Bitch Rules – For Fun Only

Trash talk has long been a part of ASL, whether it be questioning the skills of another player or touting your own. The joy of trash talking is increased by familiarity and friendships that develop over time, especially if one player develops a winning history over the other player. This often leads the winning player to declare that he “owns” the other player, often crudely described as making the losing player the bitch. Often times players are quick to try to claim that another player is their bitch, or that they are the bitch of someone else, and sometimes these declarations are premature and/or unwarranted.

To clarify the issue and to establish standards, I will clarify the required steps to properly bitch-up another player. Please note that these are a work in progress.

1. A player can be bitched-up by defeating them in individual published scenarios consecutively three times. Scenarios played with more than two players, playtests, and CG dates/games are not eligible to count towards bitching-up or un-bitching a player.

2. Only one scenario per day is eligible to count towards bitching-up a player. (EXC: Tournament play.)

3. Upon three consecutive victories over the same player, the victor may declare the loser to be their bitch.

4. Once bitched-up, a winning player may gain ownership of their bitch by defeating them in another three consecutive scenarios. (EX: It takes six consecutive victories to own a bitch.)

5. A bitch may un-bitch themselves by defeating their rival one time. If the bitched-up player is also owned, then the victory merely breaks ownership; the bitched-up player remains the bitch of their rival. A consecutive victory is required in order for the bitched-up player to un-bitch themselves completely.

6. Former owners retain the right to refer to un-bitched players as their “former bitches.”

7. Once un-bitched, a player may make their rival their bitch by defeating them in three consecutive published scenarios (see rules 1-3).

8. A player may have any number of bitched-up players under them at any time. Likewise, a player may also own any number of bitches at any time. A player may also be the bitch of more than one player, as well as having more than one owner.

9. A player that has bitched-up five players earnes the title “Bitch Ace”. A player that has bitched-up ten or more players earns the title “Huggy Bear.”

10. Bitched-up players are not allowed to blame the dice/dicebot for their bitch status. The dice/dicebot are fickle bitches that know no master and can not be controlled by any player. (Comments about the dice are allowed.)

11. Bitched-up players that blame the dice/dicebot will earn the title “Whiney Bitch” after four whines. If the Whiney Bitch is also owned, then their owner will be asked to control their bitch.

12. Bitched-up players that accept their bitch status in good grace and with humor can earn the title of “Cool Bitch” after four compliments. Compliments from owners are counted as two compliments for the purposes of Cool Bitch calculations.

Enjoy!

Semper Fi!
Scott